Too scared to live…

There are a lot of people too scared to live (too young to die). Fear is a matter of degree though; scared to death or just a bit nervous or something in between. We are all something in between. What does cause this anxiety?

There are many reasons for anxiety and mostly it’s fear of the unknown. What will happen if we can’t afford to pay the mortgage or rent this month? Fear or anxiety is of course caused by stress. Not having enough money can be very stressful and people tend not to think about it and spend like there’s no tomorrow and often there isn’t in a financial sense. We need to be financially secure, or as secure as we can be in order to be emotionally secure and free from anxiety.

There is also stress from our jobs and people who we work with particularly if they have more control than we do. The boss is a pain and has all the power and we fear what we don’t know; what will he want next? The same applies to politicians and bureaucrats; they have a lot of power and tend to use it in a bullying way. Office politics is all about power plays and bullying and it doesn’t stop at the office; in a factory it goes right down to the factory floor and even the head of the lowliest cleaners can be a bully and a pain. 

The less control you have over your life, the more stressed you feel and it can become an illness. It isn’t just work, your parents, partner or even siblings can be controlling and although not physically bullying; they may put pressure on you in a psychological way, perhaps always criticising and destroying your self esteem.

The answer is obvious, but not so easy to do. You have to take control over your life and quite possibility stand up to the bully. You can’t behave like them though otherwise you become a bully and that is to be avoided. You need to be reasonable and reason with them but also be prepared to utter that one word they hate; no.

You will of course find it’s not that easy; it never is. You have to take it one step at a time and one step may be towards financial independence. Most people who are controlling like politicians want you to be poor, they want you to feel weak and out of control. You can resist their attempts to get you to do what they want. You must do this; you must do that, you must conform to what they want. A parent will often criticise a child, say they are stupid and can’t do anything right and undermine their confidence so much they find they actually do have problems getting anything right. Who wouldn’t have problems when all you confidence and self esteem is gone? The child is then blamed for not having any confidence and told to ‘try harder’; but how can they when the parent has them convinced that they are ‘stupid’.

We all get nervous, we are judged as children and even as adults we feel we are constantly being judged, still. To overcome that feeling and to feel confident and secure isn’t easy but it can be done; you have to work towards feeling confident, one small step at a time. You have to try to take control of your life and try to make all the decisions that affect your life.

I get nervous going to hospital for my appointments.  I have been going for a long time, but still get nervous. It is a lot of little things. What will happen on the way? I worry slightly about the journey, the parking and then the consultation and what the outcome will be. The journey I can do something about and plan it in advance. In fact I drove that journey yesterday and the traffic wasn’t too bad and I should be able to park fine. I have reassured myself; is that silly? No it isn’t, I’ve removed a lot of potential problems and now I can concentrate on what will happen at the hospital itself.  What is the worst that can happen? I’m not likely to get bad news, that comes after some medical test and  haven’t had one. They won’t push a 30 foot plastic tube up an orifice; i usually have to book for that! The visit usually inspires me to write something the next day and so it could even be a positive event in my life. My health could even benefit! I will still make some notes so I know what to ask the doctor about and there won’t be an awkward silence after he asks how I am. Awkward silences can be embarrassing and embarrassment is something we all fear; it is like the fear of being rejected. I doubt if anything will be said that will be any where near as embarrassing as a close encounter with that 30 foot plastic tube but it’s better to be prepared;  I’ll write some notes.

You may need to prepare and give something serious thought before you go somewhere. It could be before you go to work, if that is where the source of your stress is. It could even be before you go home and that is the worst form of stress; having to live with it. Whatever it is, you can make one small step to escape the vicious circle of stress causing more stress and take steps to cope with it or even avoid it. Whatever you do, don’t ignore it and don’t get angry and become a bully too. Be calm and objective and you’ll cope better. My blog about Neodigital Art has been popular, I hope you’ll read that and of course you can look around the blogs; there is lots to choose from.

Thanks for reading and please do comment; even ask a question? You can also click the icon and follow me on Twitter or subscribe to my blog.

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