There’s one born every minute…

I’m thinking of giving up this landscape photography and buying a sombrero. I saw the photographers taking money from holidaymakers years ago at Butlin’s by taking their photo wearing a sombrero. I saw some funny hats and sunglasses in Matalan, both for eight quid. I could walk around in the sun wearing those and pounce on unsuspecting people and take their photos and then offer to put them on a website for a few quid. I could put a few photos on the website for a fiver. It would work; there’s one born every minute and most of them live around here…

Maybe not, I might need to go somewhere where the stupid people congregate. It’s the Jubilee thingy in just over a week, lots of them should go to that. They’re already buying all sorts of crap with union flags printed on it. I saw a guy on TV wearing a union flag tee shirt, shorts, shoes and sunglasses; he looked a right prat; just the sort to have his photo taken for a fiver. He had been watching the Olympic flame arrive, which he described as an awesome, once in a lifetime experience. If that’s awesome, what’s winning the rollover on the lottery? Don’t they get excited over nothing? There was a fire in West Bromwich earlier, they evacuated people to that pink thing in West Bromwich. I wonder if it was that Olympic flame getting out of control?

I wonder if people would pay to have their photos taken wearing a union jack hat and tee shirt? That might work during the Olympics, somewhere down South, where they have more money than sense. I’m not going to London, too much time with the stupid ones and I could end up that way, myself. I wonder if I could hire my camera out for twenty quid a day? This is why the government is spending 20 billion quid on the Olympics, to boost the economy; we’re all supposed to make money out of it, pay tax on the money, then the few quid left we can spend in the shops. That should drag the economy out of recession…

There’s a double Bank Holiday, a week on Monday. That will bring the good weather to an end. In the fine tradition of Britishness, it will persistent it down. My lettuces will need watering by then, I planted the seeds today.  If this weather carries on for much longer they’ll be putting the price of lettuces up. I’m not bothered, I can always open a tin of salmon…

I bought a cushion with a union flag on it, they have changed them now; they aren’t so good. My cushion could be a collector’s item now; I could auction it off for the Jubilee. That could make a few quid… Lovely Jubilee…

I saw the factory where those cushions are made on telly, they have one in Merseyside and one in China. In China they get paid about a quid an hour and up North they get over six quid, but have to work like they’re obsessed. Maybe they are? The boss is now trying to sell the huge Chinese factory, because he thinks it’s just as cheap to make them in this country. Sewing machinists do need years of experience and they usually need some kind of obsessive psychiatric disorder to work as fast as those machinists too…

I read you can rent your garden out to the stupid ones during the Olympics for them to pitch tents in and camp out. They will even pay to park their car on your drive. I could get loads of cars on the council car park down the road for a fiver a day; it’s worth thinking about. We all have to do our bit to screw the foreign visitors out of their money. I thought about a congestion charge for the Black Country, but it would be better to let them in for free and then charge them to get out…

I have written this load of rubbish on Friday so I can do something else on Saturday. I might write something for Sunday tomorrow, so I can have the afternoon off, shopping for sombreros and funny hats; failing that taking photos of landscapes…

I have a guest blog on a Zillion Ideas, it was supposed to be published on Saturday but I clicked publish instead of schedule and so it went out a day early…

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