This site is English – get used to it…

The Sunday Ramble: Getting a taste for Banks’s


1 Vine advert 6

If you read yesterday’s post, you’ll know that I had a half of Banks’s mild in The Vine on Friday. Well I’ve gorra terst for it nar, as they say in Darlo. So last night I had my shower and lay in bed watching the Eurovision with a bag of crisps and a bottle of Banks’s.

Bearded Lady

The Eurovision must be the funniest show in telly, but sup a 99p bottle of Banks’s at the same time and it’s even funnier. Of course, I knew the bearded lady was going to win… I thought the ice skater was good, but she could have done with some decent music. Ravels Bolero would have been a nice piece for that…

Beethoven

Ode to Joy up a ladder was weird… I’ve got the soundtrack to Clockwork Orange in MP3, that features Ode to Joy so it has a weird pedigree. There was a rape scene in Clockwork Orange and a sex scene to Rossini’s William Tell Overture. I could do something up a ladder with Beethoven playing at the same time. It could be a karaoke version of Sonate au clair de lune. That MP3 lasts 14 minutes and 17 seconds on my computer…

The twins from Russia were good, but we can’t let Russia win anything until they stop pratting about in Ukraine…  I went to the fair when I was a kid and there was a bearded lady and a lady with a python that was as long as the tent. I had a weird childhood…

Email

email picture

I had an email from this wench this morning. I don’t recognise her, even though she says she’s local. Perhaps she’s from the other side of Darlo by the canal? I had better be careful here and quote the email…

“A friend of mine told me that I can easily find someone in my area for a discreet sexual encounter without any obligations. This is exactly what I want!”

Now I could misinterpret this couldn’t I? Alison Saunders, the Director of Public Prosecutions and Martin Hewitt, the Association of Chief Police Officers’ lead for adult sexual offences have warned about misconception, myths and stereotypes. Stephany might look like a slapper to me and you, but when it comes to a rape trial Ms Saunders wants the judge to advise the jury that ‘such misconceptions can lead to juries deciding that no rape has occurred based on the victim’s sexual history, if they were drunk at the time, or if they had previously consented to relations with the alleged perpetrator.’

I’ll take her down the Vine and buy her half a shandy, we don’t want her getting drunk… She probably does live by Darlo cut…

1002

I’ve written 1002 blog posts on WordPress and won four awards for writing and blogging. I was a finalist in a photography competition too! If you go for a blood test at the Manor Hospital in Walsall, you’ll see the picture in the waiting room. These are achievements for a yam-yam like me who lives so close to Darlo…  My post yesterday was featured on the yam-yam too.

That’s all for today. I have to cook lunch and think about doing some shopping. I never got around to doing my shopping this week and so I’ve run out of fruit and veg. I’m eating frozen veg and tinned fruit. I think it might be one of those rainy days when I can’t take photos, so I might pop down to Aldi.

What are you having for Sunday lunch? Please share your thoughts on anything in the comments box. You can also follow me on Twitter.

You would have thought they could have squeezed the lottery result in on TV last night. Bloody BBC, why do we pay our licence? Poor Rolf Harris, accused of doing something with his didgeridoo that he shouldn’t…

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3 responses

  1. I am so glad I was at the theatre all day yesterday and didn’t have the chance to come across Eurovision even by accident.

    11, May 2014 at 12:49 pm

    • Hi Nick,

      It was quite funny in a weird sort of way. At least the winner could sing, even though he was weird… If you see Stephany from Darlo, tell she forgot to put her phone number on the email… 🙂

      11, May 2014 at 3:42 pm

  2. Pingback: The Review: Spring weather | Mike10613's Blog

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